 |
||
|
Cornell University : Cornell Cooperative Extension
|
||
|
||
| Yates Association |
|
|
Caring for Older Relatives |
|
|
The increased longevity of our population means that more and more older Americans will require some form of care in their later years. Most care today is being provided by family members, particularly by daughters and daughters-in-law with careers and with young children of their own. Meeting the demands of two generations, simultaneously, will cause stress. Caregivers are torn between two worlds: wanting to help their aging parent or parents maintain their health and independence, and wanting to be there for their own children as they grow up. Resentment may be felt by all parties: from the older parent who is frightened by his or her dependency; from the caregivers' children who want more time with their parents, and from caregivers who are ignoring personal needs to meet those of parents and children. The pressures of maintaining a job add more stress to an already difficult situation. Unmanaged stress can cause health problems that leave caregivers too tired, too ill and too unhappy to take care of others. The first step in handling these stresses is to talk about them. Tell your parents and children that you love them. Share with them your feelings of frustration and fear. Sharing will help break down the communications barriers that fuel family tensions. Next, set realistic short and long range goals that are specific and achievable. Recognize your own limitations and enlist the help of other family members or neighbors. Be specific in your requests. People are not mind readers and may not realize you need help until you tell them. Meet with other caregivers and self-help groups to share your feelings and receive support. Find someone you can talk with openly about the situation and your feelings. Schedule separate time for your parents and your children so each knows which time is theirs. With out-of-town parents, for example, you might spend one week out of every month with them, depending on the seriousness of their illness. Schedule a telephone hour at work, perhaps during lunch, when your parents, children or physicians may call. Arrange with your employer to make up time away from the office. Talk frankly with your supervisor, employee assistance counselor and co-workers about your caregiver responsibilities. They need to understand the reasons for scheduling conflicts or your reluctance to take on additional job responsibilities. Try to arrange a more flexible schedule if your family demands feel excessive. Maintain your own health. Eat a balanced, nutritious diet, get enough sleep and exercise and take care of yourself. Use whatever community resources are available to you to help relieve some of the day-to-day burdens. Transportation services, congregate meals or meals-on-wheels programs, and respite or adult day care programs are some of the services that are available that can help prevent caregiver irritability and exhaustion. Call your local office for the Aging for specific services in your area that can help you. Caregiving can be a difficult, but rewarding job. Sometimes the elder is unable to communicate or show appreciation due to depression or disease; but your efforts do matter and do help. Cornell
Cooperative Extension Yates Association |
