 |
||
|
Cornell University : Cornell Cooperative Extension
|
||
|
||
| Yates Association |
|
|
Discipline is not a Dirty Word |
|
|
Child development experts agree with experienced, effective parents that scolding, slapping, isolating, or otherwise punishing young children are not appropriate ways to let children know what they can or cannot do. Positive discipline is less directed toward obedience and compliance and more focused on helping children develop feelings of confidence and trust in their parents, and in themselves. For parents who find this a comfortable philosophy of child guidance, the following suggestions may be helpful: Be sympathetic and understanding, even when young children engage in unacceptable behavior as a result of their stage of development. For example, a parent can say "I know you want to touch that pretty cup, but I can't let you do that. Here are some toys for you to play with. Let's see what we can do with them." This example also illustrates a second important principle: distraction is a fine disciplinary technique to use with young children. Even very young children will imitate the adults who care for them. Toddlers who observe an adult using a tool, such as a hammer, will try to use that tool as soon as possible. Good discipline in this case is keeping objects that are not for play out of sight and out of reach. At a later age children will be able to understand that some adult possessions are not for them to use. Telling or showing children what they can do is often more effective than telling them what not to do. Example: a young child who is squeezing a cat can be told "touch the cat gently--like this" -- as the adult takes the child's hand and shows her how to stroke. If this fails, a wise adult removes the cat from harm's way! Adults need to know what behavior they can reasonably expect of children at particular ages. Good resources about normal child development are available in public libraries and at most Cornell Cooperative extension offices. For example, children under the age of two very rarely share toys and play together cooperatively. Trouble arises when parents expect this behavior too soon. Too many choices may be overwhelming to very young children. When adults offer choices, they should be certain they can accept the child's decision. Example: "Would you like to have cereal or toast for breakfast? is a more sensible way to offer the child a choice than to ask, "What would you like for breakfast?" When
children seem to misbehave deliberately, use logical consequences
instead of punishment. For example, a toddler who repeatedly throws
food instead of eating it can be removed from her high chair and told,
"I see you've finished eating." Slapping her hands or scolding
will only confuse or frighten her. The important adults in a young child's life should agree on a few basic rules for their family and enforce them consistently. Example: the Jones family has decided that there are two rules in their family: 1. You may not hurt any living creature (including yourself) and 2. You may not destroy property. Use words and actions to guide children. Shouted instructions are rarely effective. Example: if a baby is crawling toward a dangling light cord the adult will have to move quickly, and say firmly "no cords---let's find your toys" as she distracts the baby by moving him to other safe, interesting play things. Strong, negative words like "No!" "Stop that!" can be reserved for those truly serious situations when a child is in immediate danger. The ultimate goal of discipline is to help children become responsible for their own behavior. In the early years, young children require patient, calm, understanding help from adults as they learn what is and what is not acceptable for them to do. An effective disciplinarian is one who teaches through example and directs children in ways that make them feel accepted and competent. Cornell
Cooperative Extension Yates Association |
