 |
||
|
Cornell University : Cornell Cooperative Extension
|
||
|
||
| Yates Association |
|
|
Tips for Grandparents |
|
|
Today, grandparenting is more important than ever. The number of children being raised in single-parent households or those in which both parents are working is increasing. And many families are facing difficult financial and social pressures. Being a good grandparent today requires all the wisdom, understanding, patience and love you have acquired throughout your lifetime. The grandparent-grandchild relationship is different than that of parent and child. In most cases, as a Grandparent, you do not have the day-to-day responsibilities of a parent. You can simply love and enjoy being with your grandchild. Everyone's idea of what makes a "good" grandparent is slightly different, based on personal goals and family traditions. These suggestions from The Foundation For Grandparenting may be helpful as you develop your own style of grandparenting. Listen to your grandchildren....to what they're thinking, what they're saying, and what they're feeling. You provide an additional outlet to vent their feelings, even anger, especially if such emotions are really directed at parents. Accept the child's feelings without making a judgement or giving advice. Talk with your grandchildren, even as they grow to be teenagers. Be prepared to talk about lively, interesting subjects. Avoid concentrating on yourself, monopolizing the conversation, or asking questions about private family matters. You can be many things to your grandchildren--their best friend, their role model. One of the most important is that of family historian--telling stories about your childhood as well as ones about raising their parents. It helps provide continuity between the past, present and future. Remember that your grandchildren are being raised in a different world than the one in which you raised your children. Don't lecture the new parents about the way "you used to do it." Keep up with today's attitudes about raising children by reading books or magazines for parents. With today's mobile society, grandchildren often live far away. By using the mail, phone or tape recording on a regular basis to share thoughts, feelings, experiences and to celebrate holidays or special occasions, you can still build a close relationship. If you live close by, visit often--but be sure to call first. When you visit your grandchildren make time to be alone with them. It's natural to want to spend time with your children, but don't ignore your grandchildren. Share your interests and activities. Children will keep fond memories of baking cookies together, going for walks, fishing, playing games together, or how wonderful it felt to be rocked and sung to. Don't tire them out by planning too many events on one day. If at all possible, take each grandchild on a special outing--just the two of you. A weekend trip or an overnight at your home is a wonderful vacation for your grandchild. Talk with your children about the roles you'd like to have with your grandchildren. For example, if you're not interested in babysitting, but would like to share specific activities with each grandchild, let them know. Before giving expensive gifts, be sure you've discussed it with the parents. Remember that you are a parent as well as a grandparent. The better your relationship is with your children, the better your relationship will be with your grandchildren. Don't allow differences between you and your children to harm your relationship with your grandchildren. And always be there for them, even if their parents experience marital problems. Each parent and grandparent has unique values to give a child. Learning from both generations is what makes your grandchild special; these values should be respected by all family members. Remember, your common bond is your love for the child. You have experience being a parent. What you have to offer as a grandparent are the benefits of growing older--wisdom, experience and perspective. Many children are afraid of growing old. But if they have pleasant experiences with elders who approach life with excitement and good humor, children will have a more positive view of growing older themselves. Kind words, loving gestures and special times will be fond memories that last a lifetime. There are many youngsters who have no grandparents in their lives. But grandparenting need not be limited to family. All it takes are time, interest and concern to develop a loving relationship between two generations. Last, but most important, enjoy the unconditional love you give your grandchildren. It will be returned one-hundred percent. Cornell
Cooperative Extension Yates Association |
